And why would they?
Their tickets to return home for festivals are taken care of; if they fall behind on rent payments, a bank transfer from home saves them; and if their employer or city of residence does not work in their favour, then the soothing voice of a parent will ask them to return to the nest, where there is always a mother or father ready to resolve all their troubles.
If bosses had a staff room like teachers in school, parents who refuse to accept that their children are now working adults would be a pet peeve. At what stage will parents realize that their protective branches have become tentacles pulling their now-adult children back from surviving the big, bad workplace—let alone succeeding in it?
The typical young employee—and this is especially so for women—may have stepped out of home for the first time, but remains accountable to la familia.
Work timings, late hours, the condition of her room in a paying guest accommodation, hostel or a shanty one can just about afford in the initial years of work are all up for negotiation. Striking bargains can sap energy. Attempts at loosening the umbilical cord are met with threat tactics and surprise visits from parents who want to run the show their way.
Pooja Jain, a senior psychotherapist and CEO of mental health enterprise SafesStories, noted how parents are conditioned not to let go and how a sense of fear is drilled into them right from the start.
“The education system operates on a culture of fear, where parents and not schools are held accountable. Parents ensure their children are not missing out on any experience and also create a celebratory culture around them. When young adults are in their twenties, instead of battling it out on their own, in many cases their parents remain in charge, trying to ensure that the outcome of any effort their child puts in—including the job—is excellent.”
The result: A whole new generation of workers ready to quit their jobs with the blessing of their parents.
According to a study commissioned by educational research platform Intelligence.com and published on its site in 2023, “One in five employers has had a recent college graduate bring a parent to a job interview.”
Such parents may be proud of their children and may seek acknowledgement of their role from them, but this may also slow down the development of their decision-making skills. Some might feel the need to seek a parental figure in their bosses, which differs from having an office mentor.
Not surprisingly, overprotection envelops women more. There are workplace cases of parents selecting the hostel their daughters stay in. The rules of such hostels, including return deadlines that are often 8pm or 9pm, mean that if a young female colleague is out late, she must call for help or inform her parents in advance so they do not receive an irate call from the warden.
Many end up missing out on late-night work or after-work parties. The thrill of staying alone or working outside one’s home city can diminish rather quickly. Needless to say, young males, in most cases, have fewer parental demands to deal with.
Of course, much depends on the financial conditions back home, but a growing number of employees join companies to build a career while being keenly aware that their earnings are meant just for themselves, not necessarily to support anyone back home.
The parents of many employees in their early twenties are probably in their fifties today and may still be employed. Some of them can access information on their child’s prospective employer quicker than two shakes of a duck’s tail.
So the details of the company, including its competitors and the antecedents of its senior managers, and even a ‘Swot analysis’ (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) of the profession are often sought by parents while the young applicant may still be in the final stages of a job interview. What some may call this ‘guidance’ and ‘informed decision-making,’ leads young employees to be very careful about their career choices.
Unfortunately, no amount of such marg darshak (path guidance) parental behaviour can save a precious employee from career mistakes. The odds of getting a brute of a boss, a backstabbing colleague or a toxic workplace remain the same across generations. What were once called ‘character-building’ techniques—where you wipe your tears, toughen up, head to your office for the day’s work and later laugh about setbacks with colleagues over a few pints—helped many of us stay the course.
I know many parents who have the contact details of their children’s bosses. In today’s workplaces that are rapidly dismantling old systems and customs while constantly creating new ones, bosses and young employees already have a lot on their plates. Dealing with parents is a calendar invite best rejected.
The author writes on workplaces and education at Mint.
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